Hmmm...this could be a short post if I just answered very frankly: always.
Specifically, parenting was difficult last night. First, a little background. I work a day job Monday through Friday, 8-5. I usually get to talk to Kelly once or twice during the day. Being away for 9 hours isn't much fun, but it is what I have to do for now. So yesterday, I talked with Kelly in the late morning. At the time she was helping Brooke count her money.
We've been trying to train Brooke in how to handle money. She turns 6 later this month, so she's pretty young, but we wanted to start young. We've been giving her chores, which if she completes she gets paid commissions on (a la
Dave Ramsey). We've been doing this for a few weeks and she has never completed all of the tasks to earn her full commissions, but she usually does one or two, and has been making money each week. By the way, this helps out tremendously in the store when she asks for something - we can ask her if she has enough money to buy it, and if not, she doesn't *usually* get it :).
The thing is, Kelly thought that Brooke brought her a lot more money than she used to have. She mentioned it to me, but I couldn't offer much insight. So she counted everything up and went about her way. I wish that was where the story ended.
Later that night, while getting the kids ready for bed, Kelly noticed something odd. The change jar on our dresser seemed emptier than usual. She asked if I had taken any money out, and when I said I hadn't she called Brooke, who was in the bathroom. She must have overheard our conversation...
Instantly she broke out into loud sobs. She began to apologize profusely and say that we could take all of her money. While she was sobbing and apologizing she went into her room and brought us her money box. For clarification, she didn't have much to begin with. At most, she had under five dollars she had earned.
Honestly, my heart was breaking. It wasn't because she had taken the money though. I instantly felt sympathy for my daughter. She couldn't get away with it. It wasn't because we found the money missing. If we had never known, she still couldn't get away with it. Her instant sobbing and apologizing came from within. She was thoroughly convicted of what she had done before we uttered a word. She was so thoroughly convicted that she knew what she did was wrong, and she knew that it deserved punishment.
Imagine how hard this situation was. The stack of thoughts and emotions going through my head was hefty. A little betrayed - because she broke our trust. Disappointed because I expect so much of her. Saddened that we would have to have the forthcoming conversation. Knowing that we needed to talk this over with her. Knowing that we needed to punish her for this. Knowing that she needed unconditional love.
We went through the logistics. We made sure she understood that she had stolen from us. We made sure she knew why stealing was bad. We counted out the money, and tried as best as we could to figure out how much she had before this. She underestimated and we overestimated. We got it somewhere in the middle. We talked about a punishment together. She will do all of her chores this week without pay. We talked about forgiveness, and we forgave her.
When we talked, we did it out of love for her. We don't want her to walk down a path less than what God wants her to. We don't want her to be a slave to desires. She admitted that she just wanted more money, and didn't want to do her chores. We talked to her about how she knew what she did was wrong. How even though she didn't know why it was wrong, she knew it was wrong. We talked about how God has put inside each of us a knowledge of what is right and wrong. Then, after He gave us a sense of wrong and right, God told us in the Bible what is right and wrong.
After we were all done, and the emotions had subsided, we asked her to go get her toothbrush ready. She went into the bathroom and was talking to herself. After a minute she came back with a coloring book and a pen, and asked how to spell week. She then proceeded to write in her coloring book:
WEEK
WEEK
WEEK
...and then numbered each one (1 week, 2 week, 3week). She said she didn't do it all at once (take the money), but started at one or two, indicating this was the second or third week she had been taking money. At this point I was surprised again. Not because this had been happening for a while, but because after we were all done, and did not need to talk about it any more, she still came back and felt it important to fully disclose
everything.
We push her hard. We expect so much of her, and she does such a good job of living up to our expectations. After last night, I KNOW God will use her in a great way one day. I don't know how or when, but I do know that He will. I
truly believe it was the Holy Spirit convicting her. Thank God for what he has put in each of us, even the smallest of us. Oh that I would have had that connection with Him at such an early age. She has already amazed me.
I love that little girl, and just hope that Kelly and I can be the good stewards we are called to be. That we can bring her up in the right way, and most importantly that she can know God. That we can teach her and train her and help to develop her into a strong, whole woman. We don't want to be absentee - there but not really there. We aren't just biding the time until she moves out and away. We're given a heavy burden. We thank Him every day for that burden. With his help, one day we hope to say that we've finished well.
